fOolS

Dreams are made of all things impossible. That’s why they are called dreams. Some people are just gullible enough to build their aspirations on their dreams and then watch them all tumble down. It’s happened every single time.

Naivety...(be there such a word?)

If only i didn't trust so easy...

Things would be much better than this.

Right now -- all shit has hit the ceiling,

And it just sucks!

You know, at the end of the day its just YOU for YOURSELF!

NOBODY else matters or neither will YOU matter to THEM!

We live in such a self-centered world!

Shoot me for caring!

Confused!

I've been tricked into living...

I'm running around like some definition of insanity...

At the end of the day...all my work is in vain...at least it feels like it!

And...then...I'm back to square one!

I'm telling u - life ain't serious, not the way we think it is...

Life's twisted! DAMMIT! I'm such a fool!

Happy? Sad? Angry? Revengeful?

What is it about human emotion that is so fickle? One moment it's utter bliss and the next it's mountainous layers of rage heaped one on top of the other.

Yesterday, I could have torn a select group of people from limb to limb unmercilessly and watched them writhe in pain while they died a wonderfully satisfying death -- but today, it's a whole new feeling.

I loathe hope!

It brings with it such expectation and dreams built on fluffly white clouds lined generously with linings of several hues of silver, though all existing in an ever-so fragile bubble only to burst shortly afterwards and lo and behold its the emotion of despair and disappointment. It's a horribly depressing feeling.

Oh! If only I could master these emotions!

"One sheds one's sicknesses in books -- repeats and presents again one's emotions, to be master of them."
- D.H. Lawrence

"The actor becomes an emotional athlete. The process is painful -- my personal life suffers."
- Al Pacino

"There are strings in the human heart that had better not be vibrated."
- Charles Dickens

ARGH!

Ok! I'm in a bad mood...keep taking it out on everyone around me...

NOT GOOD!

Tidal Wave...

So we set off on a fine Sunday morning towards Hikkaduwa because the kids wanted to see the coral reef and have a go on the glass bottom boats...

I being sick and all that was not in the mood to go...but did I have a choice with the kids? NO!

Little did I know what lay ahead...

Just past Kalutara and almost close to Beruwala one peculiarity we noticed was that the sea level was really high...but then...none of us thought too much about it...

And just then all I remember was a HUGE wave that just came onto shore and water everywhere and then...nothing...I was speechless...frozen...freaked...

At that moment...I knew it...i was dead.

I saw bodies go floating by, vehicles, houses, trees and even boats...

All we could do was pray, and pray we did incessantly...

The water kept on rising, it started to fill up the van as well...by then the water was at least 4 and a half feet high...

After half an hour -- that felt like a few million lifetimes...the water receded...

But all over death, destruction, crying children, people...

It was horrible.

By the grace of Almighty Allah we were saved.

OH GOSH! Never thought I'd live to see another day...

The dragon lady from hell

She doesn't know me...she thinks she does...but she has it all wrong...

If she only stopped to understand me and accept me for who I am...things would be different!

But NO! I have become a figment of her imagination...or at least I'm supposed to take after that imaginary person she has in her head...BUT THAT'S NOT ME! Why on earth can't she understand that? HUH?

I'm trapped! I'm worse off than any criminal who's been sentenced for life at the worst prison ever!...

Trapped by all her rules and regulations and her NO's seem to close in on me wherever I go, whatever I do!

This has got to stop!

HELP! Please...

BAD! BAD! BAD!

Me messed up BIIIIIIIIIIIG TIME!

SHIT SCENE!

Of saris and things...

I started off today in such a bad mood assuming the rest of the gang hadn't turned up and boy was I pissed...it turned out they were taking refuge upstairs :)
Anyways Aru's plan to ditch the rest and go for a SALE - was stopped by me (which i regretted later) and from then on it was BUSY! BUSY! BUSY!
After much discussion a part of the gang finally went for the sale and gaped and gawked at all the pweety earrings and kurta tops (much favoured by the gang) and THEN reality bites!
"Girls! You are broke!" (Yuck! I hate hearing that)
Suddenly we realize we are late coz me and Aru have to get home, get our saris and go to get dressed (since we cannot simply wrap ourselves in the 6 yards or metres or whatever the standard length is of a bloody sari) and rushed home...
We were going for a convocation (NOTE: not ours)
After that things were a whirlwind...
NOW COMES THE BEST PART!
When we go to the sari-dresser-person Aru realizes she in fact had NOT brought her sari blouse (SweetIdiot rolls around with much wicked laughter at the recollection)
And guess what? Aru substituted SweetIdiot's Lee tee for her sari blouse - temporarily that is - until she got home.
The best part was watching Aru trying her best to camouflage the fact that she had donned a tee shirt and a HUGE one at that! And the end result being Aru looking like 'lickle' SweetIdiot's mommy!
[Snicker!]
[Wicked grin!]

Aru - told ya I'd blog about this!

On Christmas...

Well...I was having a little chat with my 'Saturday' babies about Christmas and here are a few thoughts I'm sure I wasn't aware of...

Miss Five very confidently informed me that there was in fact no Santa...it was always someone else who dressed up like Santa. "He doesn't exist," she informed me...and she wasn't upset or anything.

Master Six too agreed with her and went on further to say that we usually had to buy our own Christmas gifts and give them to Santa (who wasn't really Santa - but someone dressed up like him) and he would deliver it to us on Christmas day.

Miss Six however being staunch believer in fairies and magic, did believe in a Santa Claus and vehemently denied her peers views on Santa and his existence...and she took pity on me and said that 'Santa is just like Jesus...he is around somewhere and he always knows what you want!'

AWWWWWW!!!! Ain't that CUTE?

2004 tis the year of ze BLOG

2004: Nope! It ain't that year of the pig, the monkey or even the year of the BIG BAD MONSTER - It is the year of the BLOG!

So let the blogging continue :)

Note: seem to be in a bit of a weird-ass-hyper mood

Horrible beginnings - believe me you dont wanna know!

a bad start to a bad week...
just what i need on a stupid monday morning...
number one i just cannot work with incompetent people who screw up my show...and that is precisely what happened today...plus the bloody hierarchy breathing down my neck who insist that each and every story has to be read out to scores of them...tell me! how on earth am i supposed to that...singlehandedly?
do they understand? NO! it seems to be beyond their comprehension that i am in fact HUMAN!
want to just crawl up in a corner and cry....think i sound a bit pathetic now...damn SHIT! hate feeling like this...
all my defenses are down! feel yucky! shitty! beginning to doubt my capabilities!
i need OUT!

he he he! (wicked grin)

[grin]

[smirk]

[wicked+naughty grin]

HA HA HA!

go figure!

SO much for caring!

Ever looked out for people? Cared about what would happen to them? EVER ASKED SOMEONE TO STOP SOMETHING BECAUSE IT WOULD HARM THEM AND THEN HAVE THEM GET PISSED OFF WITH YOU FOR THAT?

This is bloody absurd…I’m SO pissed! I mean, I want to literally scream! ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean I don’t get it…why the hell can’t you give up the one thing someone asks for? What’s the problem? So many bloody excuses… I have cravings…I need it…I need time…I can’t just do it out of the blue…blah, blah, blah

I mean, if you ever set your mind to it…I’m sure there would be no problem at all…it’s just a matter of willpower. That’s all! But no! When it comes to this fucking thing…all the bloody defences drop and he is putty in its hands!

Whatever happened to I will do whatever I can to make you happy?

Plus…its not like I ask for zillions of things every fucking day! I don’t! I’m probably the last person who does so…and I ask for ONE thing…just ONE…and even that can’t be done…

Unbelievable!

On Sperm Competition...

OK! get this people...there now exists a "biologial sperm chastity belt"...

apparently this is nature's way of fighting back in response to the promiscuity of females... (ya right) well WE all know who is guilty of that :)

BOO BOO!

and this article im reading this morning gets even more interesting as it goes:

"Humans were midway between, suggesting that while women are nothing like as promiscuous as chimps, neither are they as faithful as gorillas."


OK!...i protest!...think im gonna go sue the bloody news agency that published this...

i mean...how dare they liken us gorgeous creatures to chimps and gorillas...im sure it was one of the opposite sex that wrote the article...knowing very well that he is fact an APE!

HMPH!

alright! starting to feel trapped again!...this is infuriating, upsetting, totally
unsettling, i just wish i didnt have to live under such constraints!i mean, i am at the ripe old age of 21 where i do have my rights! ive protested with this phrase many a time to have it just thrown back in my face by a certain maternal authority i detest at the moment.

i wish i could get out of this whole situation...i mean when you've had to live with this
whole bloody thing throughout my whole life...there comes a point when u cant just take
anymore shit! and i just know that ive come to that point where i just will not waste
anymore of my strength...but something in me will not give in either...its a do-or-die
situation!

and then...i discover that i've been shown the key to this barred door...its amazing how
things happen...but its just that im one of those who have not been gifted with that oh so virtuous gift of patience!...

so its a sorry state of affairs back at home base when all hell breaks loose...in a trying times...its a case of bitten lips and clenched knuckles till they turn absolutely white...because it takes everything i've got to hold back without lashing out ....it hurts to think that someone who's known you all their life doesnt actually know you at all... cannot even comprehend your simplest moves or emotions, let alone likes and dislikes...how is that even possible???? (a thought that very very frequently runs through my head)and the worst part is that i know how bad it can get...i know how it will be...

but still every time i get shit from HER...it upsets me to great degrees...and that bugs me to death!i just wish i could close my eyes and wish her away...because at this very moment in
time...it is she that stands in the way of my happines...the rest of my life...and i have decided!...i have decided that i will NOT let her rule my life anymore...she has had her fair share...she has ruled my life all these 21 years...and this time...its a HUGE decision im making...and im extremely googleplex positive that this is what i want for the rest of my life...i want him to share the rest of my life with me...and i am not going to let her get in the way of that!

THAT'S FINAL!

anyways........lets talk about something more intriguing and much more interesting....its a funny though awesomely satisfying feeling... :)

i belong to someone wonderful...he makes me HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY...i have found my kindred spirit and he loves me as much as i love him [actually i think i love him more than he loves me ;) ]

but it feels official now after the last weeks happenings...and now all i can think of when
i see myself or him is: {ooh! ooh! ooh! im gonna be married} im thrilled to bits that ive found my soul mate, my ideal match...call it whatever you may...he is MINE and i intend to keep him for the rest of my life!

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..................... (an awesomely satisfied sigh...packed with happiness and love and mirth and heaps of things that i cant even begin to describe because words would not even begin to do justice to them)

THAT'S IT!

alright! thats it! im sick and tired having to deal with incompetent people and am so bloody sick of having to shoulder the entire responsibilty of this whole bloody thing i have to day every bloody stupid morning...
its absurd...i have to slave like a bloody dog everyday in the morning...not a bloody soul is of any help...the little help i get just goes and mucks everything up in style...and then what really gets me pissed off is when bloody idiots come and use my computer...i mean MY computer and mess up all the stuff i have on it and refuse to even get up coz they are already in the middle of checking something out...do i care? NO!
its not like MY computer is only bloody computer in this office...!
JEEZ!
and added to that...the gods are against me...the bloody net is trying to outdo the slowest snail in the world...as a resuls i have a stationery state on a webpage i am trying to refresh coz my superiors tell me that it is crucial that i carry the latest in the US presidential elections...
who the bloody hell cares who gets elected over there...whoever it is...its a bloody loser...and whatever they have planned our country is still highly screwed!
URGH!

finally...

hmmmmmmmmmm..........finally...i got to go out for coffee with my cuddlywuddly...
im THRILLED!
wish there were more times like this...

Its been donkey's years aint it

its been so long since i've blogged...and hmmmmmmmmm.........its been an interesting period...
but the horrid part is kitty the creature seems to have left me...that aint so good...it is rather upsetting as well... :( i miss my kitty da creature
the rest has been good...the play was awesome...and all that time i got to spend with my cuddlywuddly...YUMMY! :)
BUT these past few weeks have been a learning experience and i must it has been rather fascinating.
PLUS i can honestly vouch for this. prepare yourself...
I HAVE GROWN UP!
Its awesome when you think about it. i know for a fact that i've definitely outgrown my mother and living with her...i know for a fact that i can actually support myself... (to some extent atleast)
its rather exciting to think that im actually considering things ive been totally freaked out by...
its a new semester for me...
its a new level at work for me...
and most awesomely...its a whole new experience for me...
cuddlywuddly just seems to make things so happy for me...its simply amazing!
but i reckon that ive still got loads more to grow up...incidents that have taken place in the very recent past indicate towards that inclination!
anyways thats it for now...pretty busy with academic work (yucky i sound nerdy now) will blog more later!
TA!