alright! starting to feel trapped again!...this is infuriating, upsetting, totally
unsettling, i just wish i didnt have to live under such constraints!i mean, i am at the ripe old age of 21 where i do have my rights! ive protested with this phrase many a time to have it just thrown back in my face by a certain maternal authority i detest at the moment.

i wish i could get out of this whole situation...i mean when you've had to live with this
whole bloody thing throughout my whole life...there comes a point when u cant just take
anymore shit! and i just know that ive come to that point where i just will not waste
anymore of my strength...but something in me will not give in either...its a do-or-die
situation!

and then...i discover that i've been shown the key to this barred door...its amazing how
things happen...but its just that im one of those who have not been gifted with that oh so virtuous gift of patience!...

so its a sorry state of affairs back at home base when all hell breaks loose...in a trying times...its a case of bitten lips and clenched knuckles till they turn absolutely white...because it takes everything i've got to hold back without lashing out ....it hurts to think that someone who's known you all their life doesnt actually know you at all... cannot even comprehend your simplest moves or emotions, let alone likes and dislikes...how is that even possible???? (a thought that very very frequently runs through my head)and the worst part is that i know how bad it can get...i know how it will be...

but still every time i get shit from HER...it upsets me to great degrees...and that bugs me to death!i just wish i could close my eyes and wish her away...because at this very moment in
time...it is she that stands in the way of my happines...the rest of my life...and i have decided!...i have decided that i will NOT let her rule my life anymore...she has had her fair share...she has ruled my life all these 21 years...and this time...its a HUGE decision im making...and im extremely googleplex positive that this is what i want for the rest of my life...i want him to share the rest of my life with me...and i am not going to let her get in the way of that!

THAT'S FINAL!

anyways........lets talk about something more intriguing and much more interesting....its a funny though awesomely satisfying feeling... :)

i belong to someone wonderful...he makes me HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY...i have found my kindred spirit and he loves me as much as i love him [actually i think i love him more than he loves me ;) ]

but it feels official now after the last weeks happenings...and now all i can think of when
i see myself or him is: {ooh! ooh! ooh! im gonna be married} im thrilled to bits that ive found my soul mate, my ideal match...call it whatever you may...he is MINE and i intend to keep him for the rest of my life!

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..................... (an awesomely satisfied sigh...packed with happiness and love and mirth and heaps of things that i cant even begin to describe because words would not even begin to do justice to them)