A Trip up North - Part II

Manalkadu-21st December 2005

Well, the trip just got better and better...I actually met with the LTTE [I was over-awed that I shamelessly was with my mouth wide open], met lots of government and NGO officials and had a super time.

There just isn't that much to write about - because we just went from meeting to meeting, and another meeting...it was endless...awesomely interesting, but tiring.

We stayed at this super guest house in Jaffna...and my room was just SUPER DUPER...the four poster bed, extremely cosy-chic sitting area and split-level bedroom were just the main attractions. [I was all smiles] It was quite different to the open-air bathroom and environment we experienced in Kilinochchi---but I loved it all!

The situation in Jaffna however, is extremely tense...every few metres on the road will ensure a meeting with the SLA...which I think is absurd. The looks on their faces - tells you that they really aren't prepared for this entire situation...most of them look really scared at the thought of even using their weaponry.

Somehow, I feel really sucky about the entire situation...I honestly am not in a position where I can impart my own personal opinion, for the simple reason that I don't have all the facts - but I'm totally confused regarding the entire situation. However, one thing is certain - the innocents are the worst affected - and the orchestrations that are going on are just simply unbelievable.

A Trip up North - Part I

The introductory scenes to the Northern region of the island are those filled with greenery…it brings a sense of calmness, which is most welcome after the hustle and bustle of Colombo. However, contrastingly, it would be difficult to deem the North as beautiful, even though initially it may seem to be. Along with its un-graspable beauty comes a sense of sadness…a sense of loss…some kind of void which is extremely difficult to describe. In some places, it is hard to even say it’s been through a two-decade ethnic conflict, an untrained eye or mind might call it a rural landscape…so overgrown with foliage and unkempt it be. It has a type of beauty marked by destruction and sadness.

It’s hard to believe I’m actually in the North. I know that right now…I am in fact in Kilinochchi…but I keep having to pinch me self very hard and say to me self… ‘You ARE in Kili’.

I’ve never met anyone from the LTTE face-to-face [even though I would simply love to]…but its amazing being surrounded by them. They’ve got their own police force that simply swarms the entire place…they are just everywhere. Today, I went to the Uduthurai beach…and we met two LTTE guys who worked for the LTTE’s tv station…that was cool. J I even got pictures. Actually, I’ve got heaps of pictures…they’ll be posted after I get back...

Strangely however, there is no sense of terror prevalent, and maybe the head of security for the area was right when he told Mark that Kilinochchi is the safest place to be in Sri Lanka. Don’t laugh now…you have to be here to understand exactly why I’m saying this. It also maybe ironic to say this – but just being here – I feel a super sense of calmness and peace. Funny eh?

The tsunami hit areas are the worst. Life in these places seems to be very, very hard. It is amazing those people even consider it ‘living’. The more I see, the more I feel the need to continue what we do…however, what I find extraordinary is that there are a large number of international organizations doing good relief work here. However, there seems to be no focus. If you go the coastal areas in the North, you’ll definitely see an abundance of fishing boats, idling on the sides of the road. You’ll see finished houses that are unoccupied. See, each organization specializes in their own type of relief work, and say one of them builds houses…well, that’s all they do. They don’t really care about the water supply, sanitation needs, electricity, road infrastructure. The end result my friends – houses…just houses and nothing else…or maybe a built road leading to nowhere…it just makes no sense…

The Cursed Girl-Child

We speak today of equality of the sexes, but that whole hype of males and females being a one-on-one basis just dies a sudden death when it comes to a grass root level. I mean, think of everything the girl-child has to go through, especially in South Asian countries...it is just not fair!

Right now, I know I'm completely biased - judging from the crisis I'm facing at the moment and everything I've rebelled against [or atleast tried] but never succeeded...but I still think somehow society looks down on its females if they try and do anything out of the ordinary, if they go that extra step; let alone a mile...let alone having to deal with that, having to deal with everything else that comes along with the package; especially considering that the package is way too heavy to bear.

Somehow it just doesn't seem fair...I may sound like I'm rambling, and I have a good enough feeling that I am - but it is just that I've been through so much of shit - for the only reason that I'm a girl and because I had to be born into a culture like this...I just don't think it can be justified at all - the ways and means in which they've tried to entrap me within the four walls of me house...when I think back on how much of effort and gritted teeth it took to actually do what I'm doing...and now I'm old enough to make my own decisions - but guess what? I'm not allowed to even do that. SCARY huh? I still have to ask for permission before I do anything, before I go anywhere - - - and most of the time the answer is a big, fat NO!

Well, that's the story of me life!

FUCKING INCOMPETENCY JUST IRKS ME!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's been the worse morning ever! I get stuck with an incompetent bastard for the show and what does he do? NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL!

He waits for stories to be written, to be told what to take. ARGH! He just drives me crazy! It was such a horrible morning, what with the transport getting wonderfully late and then realizing there were 8 people to pick up after me...which meant I only reached the station after 5 am which gave me no time at all to write the news, especially since the idiot decides to just sit on his sorry ass and wait for the news to flow in. Like YEAH RIGHT! That's going to happen!

I want to just wring his neck, no - better still I'll just snap him in half, or maybe I'll just cut him up into little pieces, or I'll have a couple of millions go's at him with a big-ass axe! YUP! Think I will...

And when I try to explain in the nicest of ways [honest, I did] that he ain't working up to his full potential...the number of excuses that came smoothly flowing out could've filled up all the excuse books in the universe. [be there such a thing?]

Thank's to his bloody fucking incompetency, I was so stressed and I ended up running around like a MAD woman, with no sense of direction, biting my nails, tearing my hair out [that's actually an exaggeration because if I did, then how would I look on the idiot box eh?] but still, my fingers practically flew around the keyboard - [no choice mate, it was either that or die at the hands of GOD] and...I made zillions of mistakes on air, as a result of being so 'on-the-edge'.

The good part - I now know that I can pull of the morning news all by meself...

Result - An utterly stressed, pissed off, highly strung, scary ME!

Er...Anyone for coffee?

Permission to 'Hit the Bucket'...and more...

We live in a world where things have become amazingly strange...like for instance, in Brazil it is now illegal to die. YUP! You heard me right the first time. A city in Brazil proposes to ban its residents from dying...and they say "offenders will be held responsible for their acts"... [sticks tongue out - very, very rudely] Hmmm...I wonder what the punishment would be for being an offender...You can read up more on this...right here!

Here's more ridiculous laws in the US of A

• You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street [like ya...right!]
• Dominoes may not be played on Sunday [Hmmm...I wonder why?]
• It is unlawful to wear women's pumps with sharp, high heels [This law was probably passed by some short bastard]
• You cannot chain your alligator to a fire hydrant [I wonder where else we could chain our pet alligators]
• A law in Fairbanks does not allow moose to have sex on city streets [Try telling the moose that]
• Kangaroos are not allowed in barber shops at any time [And remind me one more time WHY kangaroos need to visit the Barber's shop]
• A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month [Bloody RUBBISH!]
• It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling [S M I L E]
• Tucson: Women may not wear pants [Again, another chauvinistic PIG]
• Hollywood: It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time. [Sure...lots of sheep in Hollywood]
• Persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street [And who the fuck decides on that?]
• It is illegal to fart in a public place after 6:00pm on a Thursday. [snicker]

That's just a few...want to read more?

I'm telling you...it be a very strange world that we live in...

Communicating @ ORG

Hmmm...alrighty! Here we go! Haven't blogged in ages eh?

I am now into into my 2nd day at the 'Org' [I be in charge of Communication/Reporting/PR] ... yesterday was the most BORING day...I just sat around and actually checked my mail and read all those crappy forwards...URGH! [shudder]

Anyways, I now have some stuff to do, and it's weird having to be at office on a daily basis, never done that before. However, the people here are really nice - at least for now they seem to be.

ANNOUNCEMENT - I am officially the BABY at the Org :) Cute eh?

Freedom

I'm one of those individuals who staunchly believe in freedom of speech, freedom of choice and most of all - MY FREEDOM!

Fuck the rest who don't!

Fucking up in STYLE!

Embarrassment:
A state of being embarrassed; perplexity; impediment to freedom of action; entanglement; hindrance; confusion or discomposure of mind, as from not knowing what to do or to say; disconcertedness.

I want to DIE! Kill me now...No, no...I insist!

[cringe] [ blush] [cringe a zillion times]

I can't believe I did that! I'm so embarrased...

URGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The makings of a Sucky Early Morning

Its 7:22 in the morning and I'm already having a bad day! Sucky eh?

I'm sure everyone of you know more than one person who fucks up in style every single day of his life! I do!

He illogical exclamations, dumb idiotic stammerings and excuses just piss me off and makes me just want to scream "YOU ARE FIRED!" but then unfortunately reality dawns on me - sneers at me [dammit - I liked that thought of me sitting in that BIG, plush office - ME! Ze BOSS] and I realize I can't fire him...because...I'm sadly not the authority here. DAMN!

I don't know about everybody else...but people like this...people who are incapable at the things they chose to do...are bloody stupid...I - SweetIdiot sentence all 'incapable fools' to death, to hell...Hmmmmmmmm....I could go on... [ha ha ha!]

Oh well! Anyways...there's lots more to the day to look forward to I guess...

A day with the better half and maybe a visit to see the lovable, cute, gorgeous Star Baby!

I'm off now...Tata!

All that is gold does not glitter

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wonder are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows will spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.
- JRR Tolkien

Earth Watchers

Even if you are alone and cannot spot a single person who can see you - you are still not alone.

Surveillance vehicles - spread out across our skies keep a constant track of seemingly innocuous data - but like it or not - "We are being watched".

The so-called 'earth watchers' look something like the picture shown above...

So the next time you are 'snogging' your better half or doing something sneaky or just enjoying a moment with yourself - remember...the earth watchers are watching you!

Is now a good time to scream?

I want to fucking kill them , slap them, cut them into teeny tiny pieces and watch them suffer the most gruesome, painful deaths ever.

It’s those people that don’t know me. Are so bloody fucking narrow-minded. It’s just people who have mindsets where it can only travel in one fucking direction that I can’t stand. Beyond their little dumb little fucking crystal world – no fucking thing exists. It is absurd. I guess at some point during life they will realize. Until then however, [evil laugh]

I’ve been crucified! (in a sense I guess) not something I approve of. If there was ever a part of my life that I’ve wanted to close and walk away – it’s this. Never wanted to close up shop this much.

People without reason, who have no fucking brains to understand the bigger picture, no fucking responsibilities because they still unashamedly choose to grovel after the silver spoon they were born with. JEEZ! So fucking crappy! so fucking pathetic!

I can’t be god – but may be semi-god? I’d banish them, vanquish them, nope! Got a better idea! I’d fucking kill them! HA!

Fefu and her Friends

I've been part of the FOH (for those of you theatre-illeterate people that stands for Front Of House) crew for "Fefu and her Friends" directed by the OH-SO talented Tracy Holsinger the past few days. I've set up the chairs, stacked them up again, switched on lights, and ushered a group of the crowd around. I've thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Talking about the play itself - the octa-women (I'm coining my own words again) cast is super-talented. I have drawn some favourites though - Karen's performance is mind-rivetingly raw and plays her part with such painful beauty, it is just amazing. I've never seen Ruwanthi act before and I don't know her personally, but I like her acting very much. It's very personal and watching her doesn't even for a split-micro-mini second remind you that you are watching her actually act - it's very realistic and AARGH! I can't put a finger on it nor can I think of words to describe it. Even Ruhanie - she has such a heap of charisma and such a wonderful stage presence - it just makes you smile to watch her at it especially when storms on stage - in full charge of her surrounding with that ever-so memorable line - "Do you think about genitals all the time?"

The lighting provided by Ryan Holsinger aka The Light and the music were just brilliant not forgetting Akhry's BRILLIANCE at making wonderful things like this happen.

The setting - Barefoot, me thinks is the best possible choice for this play - as it is promenade theatre after all. It's almost as if - Barefoot had been made specially for Fefu and her friends. It draws just the right atmosphere, the ambience, a slight personal and privy touch.

I guess what I've been ranting about all this time just boils down to the fact that the combination is one made in what I call "The Land of RIGHT".

The play most interestingly is set in 1935 - and many, many years later [do the math people] in 2005 - women haven't changed. The play itself is an extremely provocative statement about women to this day.

The play primarily deals with 8 women; their relationships with men, other women and with each other. And even today - the manner in which women are connected to each other and men are completely different. I admit men are less complicating and even though most of us women wouldn't admit it - we are more comfortable in the presence of our male friends as opposed to our girl friends.

Fefu says she likes men better than women, and finds women loathsome.

Fefu and her friends is slightly disturbing as it borders on raw emotions and statements that some of us would not be willing to admit so openly and I guess that is precisely what I like about it so much.

It is impossible to put into words the emotions that this play conjured up but, in an attempt to do exactly that these words just might do the trick: unsettling, honest, raw, disturbing, brilliant!

Him...mmm...mmm...

Here is a little excerpt from Charlotte Gray by Sebastian Faulks which I happen to be reading these days. I feel that it has captured precisely something that I have been unable to put into words:

I couldn’t make you feel what I feel for him. I can only say that what I’m doing seems quite rational. I suppose at some stage you make decisions, you have to decide what seems important to you, what seems valuable. It may be for a practical reason as much as for an idealistic reason. It’s a judgement. I don’t believe in a general idea, I just believe in one particular man. I believe in the purity of feeling that I have for him and that I believe he has for me. I think its force is superior to that of any other guiding force…and if that love reflects susceptibility on my part, if he has somehow exploited a weakness or a wound in me, so be it. There’s nothing I can do about it; that’s who I am. To behave or believe otherwise would be dishonest.

A tribute to my school days...

The end of my academic studies – at least my degree – looms temptingly a few months ahead…and I’m enticed to just throw in the towel and break FREE!

It’s been three years of studies, sleepless nights, endless fights, friends made, friends lost…looking back…three years ago…Wowee…life has changed so, so much…it is unbelievable.

It’s so weird because it feels like just a short time ago - in school, my friends and I were sitting around and having a good gossip session and the conversation steered to what would be doing in a few years time…and NOW here we are…and this is what we are doing…the saddest part is that all of us are so far apart…if only we could’ve stayed together…

It’s true that the friends you make in school are the only ones who will stay true to you…the rest just come along…but will always fall away…

I badly miss my school days…I loved going to school…I would never even think of staying back at home…the part about school I loved was going to school extra early so that our lot could just hang around the tuck shop and jabber and jabber and jabber till it was time for prayers…and still jabber…

I know I’ll never go back there… to my school days…but those are my favourite days of all time…

I’m here now – my eyes closed – wishing I was with my friends – sitting around and jabbering about – where will I be in the next few years…

Creepy Stuff...

how creepy is this?

LAPTOP!

I'm on the go...

hey, hey, hey...following a mysterious phone call claiming that there was a parcel in my name that simply had to be colllected on the said day before a given time...the clause being that if i failed...i would be relinquished of all rights to it: so made my way to a certain 5-star hotel...it was my uncle...on a surprise vist with ... yes... a drumroll please... ;) Thank you! [clears throat] Ahem...it was a "LAPTOP" just for 'lil ol me...

I am SO thrilled with it... :)

YAY! YAY! YAY! WOOPEE! I've got a laptop...na, na, na, na, na! :D

Trials and tribulations of the famous

"Hi! After a long time huh? How you doing?" - that; coming from a guy I've never seen in my life!

"My! so sweet...you read news no...hallo hallo! she's my niece?" - Irately annoyingly overstuffed relation

At a recent prize giving....the photographer claims... "Very good! very good! You're improving! I watching you everday!"

The most hilarious is the following incident that took place a wedding recently:

BM: Hi! How are you ah?
Moi: Er...[cringe...cringe] Ok... [smile] er...do you er...know me? [flashes bright smile]
BM: Ah! yes men...can't you remember me? I know you men...
Moi: Really? [gives it some though]...ok...but er...how exactly do yo know me?
BM: What men? you're asking questions like that?...Don't you know me..???? HUH?Can't remember the?
Moi: [shrugs...obviously embarrassed] er...no!
BM: I also can't remember...but...you're SO familiar...I KNOW YOU!...I just know it!

- In the background - Bridesmaids screaming -- "You Dodo! You...don't...know...her..."

Moi hears faint traces of 'she's on tv'...

I hastily...flashed a bright smile...and excused myself with some odd muttered excuse...

It no longer be my type of 'Commons'

Common’s has shifted. They’ve closed shop opposite CitiBank and have moved to the former ice cream shop close to LC – the name of that place seems to elude me much to my annoyance (talk about positioning your product!)

I dropped in the other day – and its not so great…believe me…the whole Common’s experience is lost. They’ve just modified on the ‘ice cream shop’ stuff it a wee bit…but all in all – they’ve lost the personality of Common’s. It’s been converted into a total ‘indoor’ coffee place…NOT GOOD!

It’s a new menu card – the girl behind the counter now has a uniform and so does the guy who serves you all the stuff…oh and … they still don’t have nice, yummy couches…

The food is still the same – especially those scrumptious melts…I recommend the lamb melt…absolutely SUPER-DUPER!

Another test!

ME - MATURE PERSON EH? ;)

You Are 23 Years Old

23 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

r@mblings...

URGH! I hate having to be nice to people...It's just a waste of time anyways.

I've got too many things to do...but paradoxically I like having millions of things to do as opposed to being stuck with nothing to do and feeling simply useless.

I need a LONG luxurious vacation!

messing around...

"Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?"
- Edgar Allen Poe

"Love is, above all, the gift of oneself. "
- Jean Anouilh

"Those have most power to hurt us that we love. "
- Francis Beaumont

"Hope is a thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings a tune without words
And never stops at all."
- Emily Dickinson

fOolS

Dreams are made of all things impossible. That’s why they are called dreams. Some people are just gullible enough to build their aspirations on their dreams and then watch them all tumble down. It’s happened every single time.

Naivety...(be there such a word?)

If only i didn't trust so easy...

Things would be much better than this.

Right now -- all shit has hit the ceiling,

And it just sucks!

You know, at the end of the day its just YOU for YOURSELF!

NOBODY else matters or neither will YOU matter to THEM!

We live in such a self-centered world!

Shoot me for caring!

Confused!

I've been tricked into living...

I'm running around like some definition of insanity...

At the end of the day...all my work is in vain...at least it feels like it!

And...then...I'm back to square one!

I'm telling u - life ain't serious, not the way we think it is...

Life's twisted! DAMMIT! I'm such a fool!

Happy? Sad? Angry? Revengeful?

What is it about human emotion that is so fickle? One moment it's utter bliss and the next it's mountainous layers of rage heaped one on top of the other.

Yesterday, I could have torn a select group of people from limb to limb unmercilessly and watched them writhe in pain while they died a wonderfully satisfying death -- but today, it's a whole new feeling.

I loathe hope!

It brings with it such expectation and dreams built on fluffly white clouds lined generously with linings of several hues of silver, though all existing in an ever-so fragile bubble only to burst shortly afterwards and lo and behold its the emotion of despair and disappointment. It's a horribly depressing feeling.

Oh! If only I could master these emotions!

"One sheds one's sicknesses in books -- repeats and presents again one's emotions, to be master of them."
- D.H. Lawrence

"The actor becomes an emotional athlete. The process is painful -- my personal life suffers."
- Al Pacino

"There are strings in the human heart that had better not be vibrated."
- Charles Dickens

ARGH!

Ok! I'm in a bad mood...keep taking it out on everyone around me...

NOT GOOD!