Him...mmm...mmm...

Here is a little excerpt from Charlotte Gray by Sebastian Faulks which I happen to be reading these days. I feel that it has captured precisely something that I have been unable to put into words:

I couldn’t make you feel what I feel for him. I can only say that what I’m doing seems quite rational. I suppose at some stage you make decisions, you have to decide what seems important to you, what seems valuable. It may be for a practical reason as much as for an idealistic reason. It’s a judgement. I don’t believe in a general idea, I just believe in one particular man. I believe in the purity of feeling that I have for him and that I believe he has for me. I think its force is superior to that of any other guiding force…and if that love reflects susceptibility on my part, if he has somehow exploited a weakness or a wound in me, so be it. There’s nothing I can do about it; that’s who I am. To behave or believe otherwise would be dishonest.