hypocrite = ME!

im going to sound extremely critical now...but its the way i feel now
its dum to say that i cant bring myself to imagine things that did happen...i should be ok with it ... DUH! but to think of it like THAT! its difficult...its weird...its not the easiest thing in the world to handle
and it gets worse, cuddlywuddly seems so distant now...maybe its my over-active imagination playing mean tricks on me...but oh i dont know...sigh!

creature does not even know why creature feels like this...all numb and unfeeling...but still feeling weird...like i dont have a hold on myself...dont know if i can bring myself to look at my cuddlywuddly... [sense of guilt and shame washes over]

just SO wish i hadnt anything like that,...but then...its a no-way out situation...i cant undo it...just wish...oh forget it...im pathetic...a loser...wasted! horrid!