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I've moved...

2007-03-13T00:48:00.000-07:00

HERE!

Santosh

2007-03-12T00:37:00.000-07:00

Hakuraa Huraa - Maldives

2007-03-08T10:59:00.000-08:00

Blissfully beautiful!

Chatroom - Review

2007-03-04T22:57:00.000-08:00

Another review in The Nation here.

A hypothetical maiden flight for Mihin Air

2007-03-04T21:39:00.000-08:00

Mihin Air was supposed to have its maiden flight yesterday, but non-state reports indicate that it didn't actually take off! The state reports however indicate otherwise.

This is just one example of the state attempting to pull woolen-like objects over our eyes. But its such a laughable subject, especially when you have other news wires reporting the contrary. :) You can just imagine state PR officials discussing this.

PR 1: We need to do something about this. We can't afford any more bad publicity.
PR 2: Yes machang, that's true. But how can we tell the people that MA actually had its maiden flight when it didn't.
PR 1: Simple ney, we'll just put a few lines in the state newspaper saying it did. That's all.
PR 2: Adey, you are such a genius.
PR 1: Yes I am. This is foolproof, because no press was invited for the maiden flight anyways, ithing we are sira-sure!

So, who's kidding who eh?

Chatroom - rehearsals

2007-02-25T20:28:00.000-08:00

A powerful tale of manipulation

2007-02-18T20:48:00.000-08:00

Chatroom by Enda Walsh, a Mind Adventures production...

...where teenage rebellion, manipulation, relationships, opinions and shifting alliances take centre-stage...

2007-01-30T03:04:00.000-08:00

Nuptials

2007-01-24T22:38:00.000-08:00

Government Care-Givers SUCK!

2006-12-19T19:54:00.000-08:00

Honestly! I tell you - you don't want to leave your near and dear with them bitches...

My aunt who suddenly took sick was rushed to the Homagama Hospital and then transferred to the Colombo General Hospital. The staff at the Homagama Hospital didn't allow anyone to go with her, and asked us to come back the General Hospital at 6am; that's during visiting hours. So we went, and after much difficulty found the ward she was in, only to discover that the saline has finished hours before and that since she was unconscious, the needle stuck in her hand had moved around so much, that there was blood down the front of her blouse. So I went to inquire from the nurse as to what condition my aunt was in and whether she could maybe please put in a new saline bottle or help clean up my aunt. But man! She just totally went off at me, told me that it wasn't really my problem, and they she couldn't really be changing the saline over and over again; that she had done her job as far as she was concerned; that there was nothing she was going to do beyond that; if the patient was having difficulty breathing - too bad, etc. And while being extremely pissed off, I was quite alarmed. I'd never met a nurse like that. She didn't give two shits about the patients, she sounded like she hated what she was doing, she completely managed to successfully scream at my mother and everyone there for simply asking what condition my aunt was in.

If the General Hospital didn't have all the equipment and facilities, we would've transferred my aunt a long time ago...but as this point, we have no choice. They still don't know what is wrong with my aunt, and while they perform tests, she has to wait.

What are nurses for? Aren't they supposed to be helping and caring for the sick? All the nurses and even some of the doctors just had such airs it was sickening. It certainly doesn't feel right, when you have to go and beg the doctor on call to come look at the patient...

What gives?

Smaller by 3-5 cm

2006-12-12T19:59:00.000-08:00

So now we all know one very good reason why India has the highest number of HIV infections of any nation.

Tis because them Indian men are a tad bit smaller than regular international sizes, owing to condoms simply falling off during the 'process'.

Ha ha ha!

The research reveals that close to 60% of the Indian male population fall short of the international standards by 3-5cms...

'Great Tits'

2006-12-05T21:29:00.000-08:00

Any wild guesses from where this was taken? :)

"The research focused on great tits in ten major European cities, including London, Paris, Amsterdam and Prague, and compared them to forest-dwellers."

Mondays SUCK!

2006-11-19T21:09:00.000-08:00

You wake up late, only to find out that your neighbour who ALWAYS drops you off at work - for some god forsaken reason cannot drop you at work today! Your parents also refuse, your friend at work doesn't answer her phone and the bloody tuk-tuk buggers are on an overcharge high. So one just has to give in, as its just bloody awful standing on the road and wagging ones hand at every tuktuk passing by. Then when you finally get to work, the atmosphere isn't great, and you wonder if you've made the right choice with the job. But still...life does go on...

the NON-fantastic 5

2006-11-02T19:00:00.000-08:00

People who matter the most to you are always the ones who end up disappointing you. That's just the worst thing ever. Couldn't it be someone you detest, because then you could just brush it away and nonchalantly say 'NEXT'!
When you expect people to be considerate towards your feelings, they assume that you've requested they change themselves in order to do so. Aargh! I mean, what gives?
When travelling in a tuk-tuk and you go into those goddamn potholes or over those bloody humps meant to actually reduce speed. Pat thy poor bottom. Bump! Bump!
Poor service at restaurants that keep you waiting until your hunger goes for a walk. This is extremely irritating when one is famished and in desperate need of food.
Those annoying people at work who assume they are the centre of the universe. That just calls for a sword and a quick swish, swish! [gurgle]

Run away...

2006-10-26T19:59:00.000-07:00

I'm in a state of turmoil. Millions of things keep churning my mind. I desperately want to write it down and get it out, but something holds me back. I'm not brave enough sometimes to bare all. Writing it down in black and white would just mean that it's true, don't think I'm ready for that.

A vacation for the soul is high on the 'want' list, but how? What do you do? I have an unending and every-growing list of TO-DOs. Somehow, weirdly enough, I like the pressure. It makes me want to do more, achieve more. But sometimes, I just want to run away from it all. Is that so bad? Escapism is such a temptation, but as always, there is no escape.

Handbook for bloggers and cyber-dissidents

2006-10-03T20:01:00.000-07:00

[Image borrowed from www.rsf.org]

Here's an interesting resource for us bloggers, published by Reporters Without Borders. Available here for free download.

Wag thy tail at the Americans or get bombed!

2006-09-22T02:59:00.000-07:00

So, the US ain't getting its own way - so it resorts to low down, 100 million metres undergound-like threats.

Bush issues an ultimatum; but he is so bloody scrawnily unnerved that he gets little Richie to go tell them Pakis that they just HAVE to join the fight against Al Qaeda or the big, bad US boys will bomb them poor defenseless Pakis outta existence! How about that? Shoot! Who died and made them lord of the world? It's interesting that the US sees themselves as Pakistan's governing country - I mean who the hell do they think they are to drive Pakistan into a corner and twist them arms of them Pakis. And the equally spineless Musharraf says, ya, ok - I have to do this - in the best interest of my country. Hell! Whaddya expect him to do - Let the bloody americans bomb them???

One day - someday - the entire world is going to be fighting the war of the millemium - and it'll be against them Americans!

I want to live to see the war.
I want to be there - I want to watch it!
Maybe I'll fight in it!
But I want to be reading the news that night and I want to be the news anchor saying it!
HA!

Sod off you bloody Americans! BAH!

Shadows

2006-09-20T02:37:00.000-07:00

This was inspired by a shot of Tony Blair in some guy's shadow. Twas an awesomely cool picture. Can't seem to track it down. Dammit!

Spoonerisms...

2006-09-20T00:59:00.000-07:00

So, now I’m excessively hungry and keep wishing someone had stocked kitchen in my chicken. That way, I could’ve cooked some and maybe topped it with some chrilled greese. YUM! Not great in the ‘fat’ department, but hey cheggars can’t be boos[z]ers. [ha ha ha! i LOVE that!]
So now, I’ve gotta wait for my fellow employees’ punger hangs to strike; that’s the only thing that makes em move those lazy asses off their chairs.
I’d love to go on, but cuty dalls! Ta!
Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh....such are the tips of ze slung!

just 200

2006-09-12T04:09:00.000-07:00

And I never would've guessed!

Hi - A wee message from FlickrHQ:You have more than 200 photos in your photostream and you have a free account. That is excellent news, but, it does mean that you've hit one of the limits of your free account: only your most recent 200 photos will be displayed. May we draw your attention to the amazing benefits of a Flickr Pro account, and gently encourage you to upgrade your account?

So thanks to that...there will be no more additions on my flickr account!

Will post my pictures here - instead! HMPF!

Look who flew into my office last night...

2006-07-06T23:34:00.001-07:00

Amazingly stupidly compromising

2006-07-05T22:22:00.000-07:00

It's amazing what lengths we go to - especially when we love doing something....however, it's extremely disappointing when you realize that you aren't appreciated...and then you feel like shit. You feel like an idiot, and then you wonder why you had to put all of your effort into something like that and end up feeling totally shitty like this.

The worst part - you still try to sort it out...you're still looking for a solution because you don't want to let go...you'd rather find the so-called middle ground than lose it forever. You get soppy. Dont want to think of saying NO, and end up losing it.

Amazing! Idiotic!

Moments

2006-06-29T03:50:00.000-07:00

Well, not everyone gets people like me or the smart little penguin. However, tis always exactly my complaint. Too bad! Complain away I will.
Hate the fact that...
...I've chosen to leave my friends here at the ORG.
...a certain acquaintance thinks bossing me and ordering me around could actually work! Like hell yeah, it could! :P
...I am sick and have to sniffle and snuffle and sneeze me way through my life at the moment.
...I can't play with the beeeeeeeeeeyooooooooootiful babies today because I'm terrified of making them sniffle/snuffle, etc.
...I just had one of those arguments I hate having and kept wishing I could just run away from it at every mili-second.
...I am so fucking sensitive...and keep letting my emotions get in the way of decisions/important things.
...I'm still treated by maternal and paternal authorities like I'm 5 years old.
...I yearn to do as I please, but can never do that.
...I actually want another life!
...I'm actually being honest with myself here!

AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

All hail the Buffalo!

2006-05-24T21:30:00.000-07:00

Public screenings of the Da Vinci code have been banned.
SO WHAT eh? There is always the dvd... [snigger, snigger]
Does it take a book or a movie to crack one's religious faith?
How come most of Asia is screening it...even India is.
"We don't easily get bothered with a book or a movie, because for sure our faith is much, much deeper than that, and we realize if we really follow the teachings of Christ, we should be relaxed." - Pedro Quitorio - Spokesperson, Catholic Bishop's Conference of the Philippines
"It matters greatly to us as it adversely affects the most sacred beliefs of our people when it levels the charge that the Catholic Church is essentially a vast network founded on maintaining the lie of Jesus' Divinity." - Catholic Bishops Conference, Sri Lanka
Whatever happened to creating a climate of freedom for artistic creativity?

2006-05-19T21:34:00.000-07:00

Helplessness,
That's what I felt this morning,
when you woke me.
Eyes shut, listening to you
Crying, complaining, hurt, worried, scared.
It's beyond my reach.
I ache to take a swish of that wand,
Make the pain go away,Bring a smile to your face.
Useless - that's what I am.

Bored, uninterested, world-weary...

2006-05-05T22:36:00.000-07:00

Started off writing a post about peace, people's sad-ass attitudes to the entire 'situation in the country' and email forwards; as I was completely irked by an email I received about the MoD putting up a website to counter TamilNet - and then just thought it useless and deleted it.

I'm bored. I want something brand and shiningly new to do. I want something interesting to do, anything. I want to do an adventurous, selfish and supersedingly fun 'I'm-travelling-the-world-having-a-ball' kind of thing. Ideas?

See what I found.

Donkeys [apparently] make better companions than housewives

2006-04-05T20:22:00.001-07:00

"...the housewife may sometimes complain and walk off to her parents' home, (but), you'll never catch the donkey being disloyal to his master." - So reads an excerpt in a text book meant for 14 year olds in India. More here.

This textbook, approved by the state of Rajasthan even goes on to imply that donkeys are a shade better than housewives - and what was the state's reply to this?
"The comparison was made in good humour" - A.R. Khan, Official, State Education

Interestingly, back in the day - certain modules took top spot in the education of the girl child. The Education of a Woman included gardening, tailoring, housekeeping, reading, writing, spinning, weaving, etc.

New research however has a completely different story to relate, as cited by John Tierney. He talks of how women were the most happy with the following type of husbands:

1. Affectionate and understanding husbands

2. Primary breadwinner husbands

3. Tidy husbands

Here's a shocking one: "Women today expect more help around the home and more emotional engagement from their husbands," Wilcox says. "But they still want their husbands to be providers who give them financial security and freedom."

This is further elaborated here; that talks of the unfulfilled husband who performs better at work, provided his wife spends more time at home – caring and sharing and attending to her housewifely chores. Goes to show that men do depend heavily on women, so much so that, “Married men earn more than single men, but only if their wife stays at home - and does all the chores.” [snort]

I wonder how a donkey would affect the efficiency and ability of her husband to generate more money. Hmmm...

A Refreshing Sunday Read

2006-04-03T01:48:00.000-07:00

Twas a relaxed hot sunday afternoon. Perfect for hiding indoors and for curling up with a book. I finally get round to reading the lot of 'sri-lankan' books I bought during Christmas.

Sam's Story by Elmo Jaywardene is a first person narrative. He is put across as a simpleton and one who has no bearing of the world we live in. Everything is new to him and foreign. I could even snidely say that his ignorance was largely annoying and his naivety even more so. Unlike this review, I found it tremendously difficult to cope with his state of mind - something I'd probably tie down with my impatience. In a nutshell I suppose, one could say that Jayawardene does manage to capture a number of issues - that of the war, poverty, etc. However, its something about the language - that of a common fool that somehow annoys me. This probably does not justify my reasons for not liking it, nor does it make me label this book as 'a bad piece of writing'. The storyline is good, the subject matter as well. Tis just the language...I mustn't forget to mention that this won the Gratien Prize in 2001.

On the other hand, Sujatha Mallika's story in the 2003 Gratien prizewinning author - Nihal De Silva's The Giniralla Conspiracy [picture courtesy of Vijitha Yapa] catches one completely off guard. The story deals with a lot of prevalent issues in our country. For instance, ragging at state universities is just the top layer, while there are more deeper and darker issues to be dealt with. All issues that bring frighteningly true-to-life images or even stir up wild-nightmarish imaginations. It talks of the political elements that exist in our state universities and how these are just the feeding grounds of its leaders who have visions of purging the country of its impurities [the rich] and thus helping the poor stand out and obtain what is rightly theirs. The storyline weaves around Sujatha's 5 journals that chronicle her life from the time she enters university, gets brutally ragged, believes in the 'JSP', joins them, discovers the 'Giniralla Conspiracy', tries to uncover it and so on and so forth.

This isn't one of those books you could easily put down. Heck, I read it in one go. Interestingly, De Silva incorporates quite a bit of Sinhalese dialogue, but always with a translation - it somehow adds to the...er...shall we say ambience? His writing and choice of subject engages such realism and timeliness, that it makes one stop to wonder, if Colombo was ever under such a threat, or if we still are? Will we ever have to undergo the likes of the Pol Pot regime or did we escape it? I honestly wouldn't put it past the JVP to have such murderous and radical communist reforms on the boards for Sri Lanka.

Either ways, de Silva somehow eerily enough brings the story to a more personal level, making one almost draw parallels with what we see going on in today's goverment. Sigh!

I must say - Sunday was one of those refreshingly lazy days...I like!

I said 'YES'

2006-03-26T23:15:00.000-08:00

He took me in his arms, told me he loved me, whipped out the prettiest ring ever and asked me if I'd complete his life!

Butterfly...

2006-03-23T22:13:00.000-08:00

I just don't know anymore

2006-03-23T18:59:00.000-08:00

So...suddenly out of the blue I'm utterly and totally confused. Sometimes its just indescribable the way things just happen and one finds oneself totally and utterly lost for words...trying to make sense out of the entire situation is just completely useless...do I do anything about it? No. It ain't my baby...but it still concerns me to the greatest of deals, worries me terribly...

Fathoming the situation right now is just beyond me reach. It's not as horrible as it sounds, it's just that sometimes one never expects things to happen within one's own sphere, and when it does, it is totally and freakily so, unsettling.

If this doesn't make sense, which it probably won't, worry not...I'm just using this as a vent - it be one of those issues you'd rather not discuss with anyone and everyone.

On the other hand, I went to one of the prettiest and awe-inspiring Geoffrey Bawa houses yesterday...[swoon!] I'd give anything to live in a house like that...will be posting pictures on flickr later on...So my evenining was coupled with the greatest of houses, friends and heaps and oodles of sushi - I'm feeling entirely in a good mood tinged with confusion. Did I mention how much I love sushi? YUMMMMMMMMMY!

Going now - heaps of things to do... :)

Six Utterly Absurd Things I Didn't Know

2006-03-13T22:33:00.001-08:00

Dmitri Trofimovich Shepilov, Soviet politician and foreign minister denounced jazz and rock music at the Congress, warning against "wild cave-man orgies" and the "explosion of basic instincts and sexual urges".
Bill the Goat is the mascot of the United States Naval Academy and first appeared at a Navy football game in 1893.
The Victorian era parlour game of Snap-dragon involved children plucking raisins out of burning brandy and eating them.
There have been many attempts to deliver mail by rocket, but none have met with much success.
Umchwasho is a traditional chastity rite in Swaziland that restricts the sexual relations of unmarried women.
Alcohol advertising is heavily restricted in some countries to avoid associating the drinking of alcoholic beverages with sexual success and physical attractiveness.

OH! That horrid, horrid feeling :(

2006-03-13T02:38:00.000-08:00

I keep feeling this deep sense of regret which seems to pull me down further with each step I take...I know what the root cause of it is, however, also knowing very well that there is nothing I could have done about it. But still, that feeling of being denied an entire part of my life eats away at my soul, my very being. It somehow doesn't seem all that fair, to have lost that chunk of my world. Even more so, because I know I fought for it; hard. But lost, very badly. I'm not used to losing. Actually, I don't think I'm a bad loser. Somehow, this loss isn't something I can deal with. Maybe in a few months from now - things will change and I will walk away from this a bigger winner than ever...however, I have a horrid feeling I will always have this nagging feeling, of being denied, being stifled, being controlled - leading to a feeling of hatred I wish I never feel for anyone ever again! I feel horrible!

Manee

2006-03-09T22:19:00.000-08:00

She is one of bestest friends...hates it when her picture is being taken, unfortunately for her - I simply LOVE it...this is one of those rare moments of when I've managed to catch her offguard!

One of the kids I teach

2006-03-08T20:52:00.000-08:00

Of projects, Kottu and shopping...

2006-03-06T21:13:00.000-08:00

So, I finished my FYP [Final Year Project], handed it in. Yes, there is a slight, vague sense of relief, probably owing to the fact that I have a presentation on the project in a couple of weeks time. It's true that I never, ever want to do a research project again, especially NOT using SPSS. URGH! Gives me shudders even when I think about it...however, I excepted to feel more relieved, but disappointingly enough I don't feel the feeling I wanted to feel.

On another note, I just noticed that I - the SweetIdiot is now on the Kottu blogroll...wow! When did that happen? :)

Now, I'm bored. Have a craving to go shopping...you know the kind where you just buy heaps and heaps of stuff and feel immensely satisfied when you go home and dump everything on your bed and heave that wonderfully satisfied sigh! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Limbo-ish

2006-02-22T19:33:00.000-08:00

Isn't it simply unnerving when you know you have heaps of work to do, choices to make, blah blah blah...but simply do not feel like doing it...it's almost like being caught in between - a kind of unsettlingly limbo-ish feeling.

I often feel like that about most things.

Baby Stuff

2006-02-22T02:38:00.001-08:00

I'm a baby...at most things. I'm stubborn. Always want my own way. Will probably never, ever given in...I never stop to think before I act. It's always a case of suddenly realizing the end result...and that too, waaaaaaaaaaaaaay after the consequences have taken place.

I miss being a child. I never had so many decisions to make. At the most, I needed to decide between a car and a barbie doll [always chose the car - or sadistically chose the barbie doll and pulled her stupid little blonde head off!] Things were never this complicating. Sometimes, it's too much, too many, argh! Why me?

I hurt people without realizing it. I say things expecting too much out of people. I'm too much of a princess and expect everybody to fall in line with my life. It's tough, like this. I hate having responsibilities, obligations, things to remember, stuff I just HAVE to do, people depending on me [CWB this don't include you]

If only I could just close my eyes, make that wish and if only it would come true.

Islam = Peace

2006-02-08T19:29:00.000-08:00

Islam means 'submission' and derives from a word meaning 'peace'. Somehow, most muslims around the world seem to have forgotten this amongst other basic Islam teachings and the situation has spiralled ridiculously out of control.

I proclaim no great knowledge in Islam - however, through the teachings I've received - I think I can confidently say that I know my right from wrong.

These quotations point out some important aspects of Islam - facts that people nowadays choose to ignore because for most - it is just easier to succumb to what they THINK is right, rather than actually follow what IS right.

'Powerful is not he who knocks the other down, indeed powerful is he who controls himself in a fit of anger.' - Prophet Muhammed (SAW)

The Quran says: God forbids you not, with regards to those who fight you not for [your] faith nor drive you out of your homes, from dealing kindly and justly with them; for God loveth those who are just. (Quran, 60.8)

On the other hand, Islam permits fighting in self-defense, in defense of religion, or on the part of those who have been expelled forcibly from their homes. Howver, it does lay down strict rules of combat which include prohibitions against harming civilians and against destroying crops, trees and livestock. In this light, the Quran says:
'Fight in the cause of God against those who fight you, but do not transgress limits. God does not love transgressors.' (2.190)

War therefore, is actually the last resort, and even then is subject to rigorous conditions laid down by Islamic law. Jihad means 'struggle' and takes on two meanings. The other defines the inner struggle that we all go through; against egotistic desires, for the sake of attaining inner peace.

What we see happening today is actually one of the signs of Qiyamah [The Last Day].

Islam, though some see it as a brutal and sometimes incomprehensible religion, is really quite simple. It is a great way of life - IF interpreted correctly. The damage starts only when people take matters into their own hands and make adjustments and begin to follow their own interpretations in the name of Islam.

Anyways, it really is not my place to judge...I'm just here...playing my little part in the world...

JERK! JERK! JERK!

2006-01-26T22:18:00.000-08:00

Why do people think we need machines telling us what to do, how to dress and the latest: ta daa! a 'jerk-o-meter'!

I personally WANT to be able to be a jerk when I feel like it, scream on the phone WHEN I want to and do as I please and most importantly speak in any way I FEEL like - without some JERK of a machine telling me - "Don't be a jerk!," "Be a little nicer now," or "Wow, you're a smooth talker" - like YA RIGHT!

WTF?

ARGH! Humans! [rolls eyes]

2006-01-24T20:55:00.000-08:00

I would…If I could,
Move to another space,
Another time,
Where every inkling of my life
Would be different.

My once sturdy walls of resistance
Have crumbled away,
Letting the poison
Come seeping in.
Invisible. Powerful. Claustrophobic.

Unwelcome, unfriendly thoughts
Swirl around, venemously,
Mocking at me. Sneeringly.

What do you do?
When coping becomes
Exruciatingly difficult.
When all one can think of
Is a way out. Forever.

How does one go by it?
Abracadabra? A swish of a wand?
Password? PIN number?

Sigh! If only things were that easy…

GASP!

2006-01-06T01:26:00.000-08:00

I need air...[gasp]...to breathe...[choke]...I'm being stifled...[splutter]...beyond my control...lost part of me childhood. Losing out on life. Am not given a choice. It's scary. Freaks me out. Think I need to live my life again. Maybe not. I've missed out on so much. I feel like I have. I want it back. NOW!

People screaming, forbidding. They're are still screaming...it's too much to handle...I need out. I've always needed out. I'm complaining again. Whining again. That's what you'll say, and you and yes [sigh]...you too!

The loss...it's created a dark and unearthly void. Pain, suffering, anguish.

I'm not complaining...I'm not whining either...it's only for me to understand.

A Trip up North - Part II

2005-12-22T21:38:00.000-08:00

Manalkadu-21st December 2005

Well, the trip just got better and better...I actually met with the LTTE [I was over-awed that I shamelessly was with my mouth wide open], met lots of government and NGO officials and had a super time.

There just isn't that much to write about - because we just went from meeting to meeting, and another meeting...it was endless...awesomely interesting, but tiring.

We stayed at this super guest house in Jaffna...and my room was just SUPER DUPER...the four poster bed, extremely cosy-chic sitting area and split-level bedroom were just the main attractions. [I was all smiles] It was quite different to the open-air bathroom and environment we experienced in Kilinochchi---but I loved it all!

The situation in Jaffna however, is extremely tense...every few metres on the road will ensure a meeting with the SLA...which I think is absurd. The looks on their faces - tells you that they really aren't prepared for this entire situation...most of them look really scared at the thought of even using their weaponry.

Somehow, I feel really sucky about the entire situation...I honestly am not in a position where I can impart my own personal opinion, for the simple reason that I don't have all the facts - but I'm totally confused regarding the entire situation. However, one thing is certain - the innocents are the worst affected - and the orchestrations that are going on are just simply unbelievable.

A Trip up North - Part I

2005-12-20T01:19:00.000-08:00

The introductory scenes to the Northern region of the island are those filled with greenery…it brings a sense of calmness, which is most welcome after the hustle and bustle of Colombo. However, contrastingly, it would be difficult to deem the North as beautiful, even though initially it may seem to be. Along with its un-graspable beauty comes a sense of sadness…a sense of loss…some kind of void which is extremely difficult to describe. In some places, it is hard to even say it’s been through a two-decade ethnic conflict, an untrained eye or mind might call it a rural landscape…so overgrown with foliage and unkempt it be. It has a type of beauty marked by destruction and sadness.

It’s hard to believe I’m actually in the North. I know that right now…I am in fact in Kilinochchi…but I keep having to pinch me self very hard and say to me self… ‘You ARE in Kili’.

I’ve never met anyone from the LTTE face-to-face [even though I would simply love to]…but its amazing being surrounded by them. They’ve got their own police force that simply swarms the entire place…they are just everywhere. Today, I went to the Uduthurai beach…and we met two LTTE guys who worked for the LTTE’s tv station…that was cool. J I even got pictures. Actually, I’ve got heaps of pictures…they’ll be posted after I get back...

Strangely however, there is no sense of terror prevalent, and maybe the head of security for the area was right when he told Mark that Kilinochchi is the safest place to be in Sri Lanka. Don’t laugh now…you have to be here to understand exactly why I’m saying this. It also maybe ironic to say this – but just being here – I feel a super sense of calmness and peace. Funny eh?

The tsunami hit areas are the worst. Life in these places seems to be very, very hard. It is amazing those people even consider it ‘living’. The more I see, the more I feel the need to continue what we do…however, what I find extraordinary is that there are a large number of international organizations doing good relief work here. However, there seems to be no focus. If you go the coastal areas in the North, you’ll definitely see an abundance of fishing boats, idling on the sides of the road. You’ll see finished houses that are unoccupied. See, each organization specializes in their own type of relief work, and say one of them builds houses…well, that’s all they do. They don’t really care about the water supply, sanitation needs, electricity, road infrastructure. The end result my friends – houses…just houses and nothing else…or maybe a built road leading to nowhere…it just makes no sense…

The Cursed Girl-Child

2005-12-15T21:26:00.000-08:00

We speak today of equality of the sexes, but that whole hype of males and females being a one-on-one basis just dies a sudden death when it comes to a grass root level. I mean, think of everything the girl-child has to go through, especially in South Asian countries...it is just not fair!

Right now, I know I'm completely biased - judging from the crisis I'm facing at the moment and everything I've rebelled against [or atleast tried] but never succeeded...but I still think somehow society looks down on its females if they try and do anything out of the ordinary, if they go that extra step; let alone a mile...let alone having to deal with that, having to deal with everything else that comes along with the package; especially considering that the package is way too heavy to bear.

Somehow it just doesn't seem fair...I may sound like I'm rambling, and I have a good enough feeling that I am - but it is just that I've been through so much of shit - for the only reason that I'm a girl and because I had to be born into a culture like this...I just don't think it can be justified at all - the ways and means in which they've tried to entrap me within the four walls of me house...when I think back on how much of effort and gritted teeth it took to actually do what I'm doing...and now I'm old enough to make my own decisions - but guess what? I'm not allowed to even do that. SCARY huh? I still have to ask for permission before I do anything, before I go anywhere - - - and most of the time the answer is a big, fat NO!

Well, that's the story of me life!

FUCKING INCOMPETENCY JUST IRKS ME!

2005-12-15T17:24:00.000-08:00

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's been the worse morning ever! I get stuck with an incompetent bastard for the show and what does he do? NOTHING! NOTHING AT ALL!

He waits for stories to be written, to be told what to take. ARGH! He just drives me crazy! It was such a horrible morning, what with the transport getting wonderfully late and then realizing there were 8 people to pick up after me...which meant I only reached the station after 5 am which gave me no time at all to write the news, especially since the idiot decides to just sit on his sorry ass and wait for the news to flow in. Like YEAH RIGHT! That's going to happen!

I want to just wring his neck, no - better still I'll just snap him in half, or maybe I'll just cut him up into little pieces, or I'll have a couple of millions go's at him with a big-ass axe! YUP! Think I will...

And when I try to explain in the nicest of ways [honest, I did] that he ain't working up to his full potential...the number of excuses that came smoothly flowing out could've filled up all the excuse books in the universe. [be there such a thing?]

Thank's to his bloody fucking incompetency, I was so stressed and I ended up running around like a MAD woman, with no sense of direction, biting my nails, tearing my hair out [that's actually an exaggeration because if I did, then how would I look on the idiot box eh?] but still, my fingers practically flew around the keyboard - [no choice mate, it was either that or die at the hands of GOD] and...I made zillions of mistakes on air, as a result of being so 'on-the-edge'.

The good part - I now know that I can pull of the morning news all by meself...

Result - An utterly stressed, pissed off, highly strung, scary ME!

Er...Anyone for coffee?

Permission to 'Hit the Bucket'...and more...

2005-12-14T20:53:00.000-08:00

We live in a world where things have become amazingly strange...like for instance, in Brazil it is now illegal to die. YUP! You heard me right the first time. A city in Brazil proposes to ban its residents from dying...and they say "offenders will be held responsible for their acts"... [sticks tongue out - very, very rudely] Hmmm...I wonder what the punishment would be for being an offender...You can read up more on this...right here!

Here's more ridiculous laws in the US of A

You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street [like ya...right!]
Dominoes may not be played on Sunday [Hmmm...I wonder why?]
It is unlawful to wear women's pumps with sharp, high heels [This law was probably passed by some short bastard]
You cannot chain your alligator to a fire hydrant [I wonder where else we could chain our pet alligators]
A law in Fairbanks does not allow moose to have sex on city streets [Try telling the moose that]
Kangaroos are not allowed in barber shops at any time [And remind me one more time WHY kangaroos need to visit the Barber's shop]
A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month [Bloody RUBBISH!]
It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling [S M I L E]
Tucson: Women may not wear pants [Again, another chauvinistic PIG]
Hollywood: It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time. [Sure...lots of sheep in Hollywood]
Persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street [And who the fuck decides on that?]
It is illegal to fart in a public place after 6:00pm on a Thursday. [snicker]

That's just a few...want to read more?

I'm telling you...it be a very strange world that we live in...

Communicating @ ORG

2005-11-28T18:50:00.000-08:00

Hmmm...alrighty! Here we go! Haven't blogged in ages eh?

I am now into into my 2nd day at the 'Org' [I be in charge of Communication/Reporting/PR] ... yesterday was the most BORING day...I just sat around and actually checked my mail and read all those crappy forwards...URGH! [shudder]

Anyways, I now have some stuff to do, and it's weird having to be at office on a daily basis, never done that before. However, the people here are really nice - at least for now they seem to be.

ANNOUNCEMENT - I am officially the BABY at the Org :) Cute eh?

Freedom

2005-09-05T21:56:00.000-07:00

I'm one of those individuals who staunchly believe in freedom of speech, freedom of choice and most of all - MY FREEDOM!

Fuck the rest who don't!

Fucking up in STYLE!

2005-08-20T22:09:00.000-07:00

Embarrassment:
A state of being embarrassed; perplexity; impediment to freedom of action; entanglement; hindrance; confusion or discomposure of mind, as from not knowing what to do or to say; disconcertedness.

I want to DIE! Kill me now...No, no...I insist!

[cringe] [ blush] [cringe a zillion times]

I can't believe I did that! I'm so embarrased...

URGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The makings of a Sucky Early Morning

2005-08-19T07:41:00.000-07:00

Its 7:22 in the morning and I'm already having a bad day! Sucky eh?

I'm sure everyone of you know more than one person who fucks up in style every single day of his life! I do!

He illogical exclamations, dumb idiotic stammerings and excuses just piss me off and makes me just want to scream "YOU ARE FIRED!" but then unfortunately reality dawns on me - sneers at me [dammit - I liked that thought of me sitting in that BIG, plush office - ME! Ze BOSS] and I realize I can't fire him...because...I'm sadly not the authority here. DAMN!

I don't know about everybody else...but people like this...people who are incapable at the things they chose to do...are bloody stupid...I - SweetIdiot sentence all 'incapable fools' to death, to hell...Hmmmmmmmm....I could go on... [ha ha ha!]

Oh well! Anyways...there's lots more to the day to look forward to I guess...

A day with the better half and maybe a visit to see the lovable, cute, gorgeous Star Baby!

I'm off now...Tata!

All that is gold does not glitter

2005-08-13T21:49:00.000-07:00

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wonder are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows will spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.
- JRR Tolkien

Earth Watchers

2005-08-08T17:01:00.000-07:00

Even if you are alone and cannot spot a single person who can see you - you are still not alone.

Surveillance vehicles - spread out across our skies keep a constant track of seemingly innocuous data - but like it or not - "We are being watched".

The so-called 'earth watchers' look something like the picture shown above...

So the next time you are 'snogging' your better half or doing something sneaky or just enjoying a moment with yourself - remember...the earth watchers are watching you!

Is now a good time to scream?

2005-08-08T15:17:00.000-07:00

I want to fucking kill them , slap them, cut them into teeny tiny pieces and watch them suffer the most gruesome, painful deaths ever.

It’s those people that don’t know me. Are so bloody fucking narrow-minded. It’s just people who have mindsets where it can only travel in one fucking direction that I can’t stand. Beyond their little dumb little fucking crystal world – no fucking thing exists. It is absurd. I guess at some point during life they will realize. Until then however, [evil laugh]

I’ve been crucified! (in a sense I guess) not something I approve of. If there was ever a part of my life that I’ve wanted to close and walk away – it’s this. Never wanted to close up shop this much.

People without reason, who have no fucking brains to understand the bigger picture, no fucking responsibilities because they still unashamedly choose to grovel after the silver spoon they were born with. JEEZ! So fucking crappy! so fucking pathetic!

I can’t be god – but may be semi-god? I’d banish them, vanquish them, nope! Got a better idea! I’d fucking kill them! HA!

Fefu and her Friends

2005-07-31T13:02:00.000-07:00

I've been part of the FOH (for those of you theatre-illeterate people that stands for Front Of House) crew for "Fefu and her Friends" directed by the OH-SO talented Tracy Holsinger the past few days. I've set up the chairs, stacked them up again, switched on lights, and ushered a group of the crowd around. I've thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Talking about the play itself - the octa-women (I'm coining my own words again) cast is super-talented. I have drawn some favourites though - Karen's performance is mind-rivetingly raw and plays her part with such painful beauty, it is just amazing. I've never seen Ruwanthi act before and I don't know her personally, but I like her acting very much. It's very personal and watching her doesn't even for a split-micro-mini second remind you that you are watching her actually act - it's very realistic and AARGH! I can't put a finger on it nor can I think of words to describe it. Even Ruhanie - she has such a heap of charisma and such a wonderful stage presence - it just makes you smile to watch her at it especially when storms on stage - in full charge of her surrounding with that ever-so memorable line - "Do you think about genitals all the time?"

The lighting provided by Ryan Holsinger aka The Light and the music were just brilliant not forgetting Akhry's BRILLIANCE at making wonderful things like this happen.

The setting - Barefoot, me thinks is the best possible choice for this play - as it is promenade theatre after all. It's almost as if - Barefoot had been made specially for Fefu and her friends. It draws just the right atmosphere, the ambience, a slight personal and privy touch.

I guess what I've been ranting about all this time just boils down to the fact that the combination is one made in what I call "The Land of RIGHT".

The play most interestingly is set in 1935 - and many, many years later [do the math people] in 2005 - women haven't changed. The play itself is an extremely provocative statement about women to this day.

The play primarily deals with 8 women; their relationships with men, other women and with each other. And even today - the manner in which women are connected to each other and men are completely different. I admit men are less complicating and even though most of us women wouldn't admit it - we are more comfortable in the presence of our male friends as opposed to our girl friends.

Fefu says she likes men better than women, and finds women loathsome.

Fefu and her friends is slightly disturbing as it borders on raw emotions and statements that some of us would not be willing to admit so openly and I guess that is precisely what I like about it so much.

It is impossible to put into words the emotions that this play conjured up but, in an attempt to do exactly that these words just might do the trick: unsettling, honest, raw, disturbing, brilliant!

Him...mmm...mmm...

2005-06-29T14:10:00.000-07:00

Here is a little excerpt from Charlotte Gray by Sebastian Faulks which I happen to be reading these days. I feel that it has captured precisely something that I have been unable to put into words:

I couldn’t make you feel what I feel for him. I can only say that what I’m doing seems quite rational. I suppose at some stage you make decisions, you have to decide what seems important to you, what seems valuable. It may be for a practical reason as much as for an idealistic reason. It’s a judgement. I don’t believe in a general idea, I just believe in one particular man. I believe in the purity of feeling that I have for him and that I believe he has for me. I think its force is superior to that of any other guiding force…and if that love reflects susceptibility on my part, if he has somehow exploited a weakness or a wound in me, so be it. There’s nothing I can do about it; that’s who I am. To behave or believe otherwise would be dishonest.

A tribute to my school days...

2005-06-28T16:13:00.000-07:00

The end of my academic studies – at least my degree – looms temptingly a few months ahead…and I’m enticed to just throw in the towel and break FREE!

It’s been three years of studies, sleepless nights, endless fights, friends made, friends lost…looking back…three years ago…Wowee…life has changed so, so much…it is unbelievable.

It’s so weird because it feels like just a short time ago - in school, my friends and I were sitting around and having a good gossip session and the conversation steered to what would be doing in a few years time…and NOW here we are…and this is what we are doing…the saddest part is that all of us are so far apart…if only we could’ve stayed together…

It’s true that the friends you make in school are the only ones who will stay true to you…the rest just come along…but will always fall away…

I badly miss my school days…I loved going to school…I would never even think of staying back at home…the part about school I loved was going to school extra early so that our lot could just hang around the tuck shop and jabber and jabber and jabber till it was time for prayers…and still jabber…

I know I’ll never go back there… to my school days…but those are my favourite days of all time…

I’m here now – my eyes closed – wishing I was with my friends – sitting around and jabbering about – where will I be in the next few years…

Creepy Stuff...

2005-06-22T10:10:00.000-07:00

how creepy is this?

LAPTOP!

2005-06-21T23:59:00.000-07:00

I'm on the go...

hey, hey, hey...following a mysterious phone call claiming that there was a parcel in my name that simply had to be colllected on the said day before a given time...the clause being that if i failed...i would be relinquished of all rights to it: so made my way to a certain 5-star hotel...it was my uncle...on a surprise vist with ... yes... a drumroll please... ;) Thank you! [clears throat] Ahem...it was a "LAPTOP" just for 'lil ol me...

I am SO thrilled with it... :)

YAY! YAY! YAY! WOOPEE! I've got a laptop...na, na, na, na, na! :D

Trials and tribulations of the famous

2005-06-19T20:10:00.000-07:00

"Hi! After a long time huh? How you doing?" - that; coming from a guy I've never seen in my life!

"My! so sweet...you read news no...hallo hallo! she's my niece?" - Irately annoyingly overstuffed relation

At a recent prize giving....the photographer claims... "Very good! very good! You're improving! I watching you everday!"

The most hilarious is the following incident that took place a wedding recently:

BM: Hi! How are you ah?
Moi: Er...[cringe...cringe] Ok... [smile] er...do you er...know me? [flashes bright smile]
BM: Ah! yes men...can't you remember me? I know you men...
Moi: Really? [gives it some though]...ok...but er...how exactly do yo know me?
BM: What men? you're asking questions like that?...Don't you know me..???? HUH?Can't remember the?
Moi: [shrugs...obviously embarrassed] er...no!
BM: I also can't remember...but...you're SO familiar...I KNOW YOU!...I just know it!

- In the background - Bridesmaids screaming -- "You Dodo! You...don't...know...her..."

Moi hears faint traces of 'she's on tv'...

I hastily...flashed a bright smile...and excused myself with some odd muttered excuse...

It no longer be my type of 'Commons'

2005-05-24T22:53:00.000-07:00

Common’s has shifted. They’ve closed shop opposite CitiBank and have moved to the former ice cream shop close to LC – the name of that place seems to elude me much to my annoyance (talk about positioning your product!)

I dropped in the other day – and its not so great…believe me…the whole Common’s experience is lost. They’ve just modified on the ‘ice cream shop’ stuff it a wee bit…but all in all – they’ve lost the personality of Common’s. It’s been converted into a total ‘indoor’ coffee place…NOT GOOD!

It’s a new menu card – the girl behind the counter now has a uniform and so does the guy who serves you all the stuff…oh and … they still don’t have nice, yummy couches…

The food is still the same – especially those scrumptious melts…I recommend the lamb melt…absolutely SUPER-DUPER!

Another test!

2005-04-30T09:42:00.000-07:00

ME - MATURE PERSON EH? ;)

You Are 23 Years Old

23

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

r@mblings...

2005-04-26T16:39:00.000-07:00

URGH! I hate having to be nice to people...It's just a waste of time anyways.

I've got too many things to do...but paradoxically I like having millions of things to do as opposed to being stuck with nothing to do and feeling simply useless.

I need a LONG luxurious vacation!

messing around...

2005-04-25T00:07:00.000-07:00

"Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?"
- Edgar Allen Poe

"Love is, above all, the gift of oneself. "
- Jean Anouilh

"Those have most power to hurt us that we love. "
- Francis Beaumont

"Hope is a thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings a tune without words
And never stops at all."
- Emily Dickinson

fOolS

2005-03-07T02:29:00.000-08:00

Dreams are made of all things impossible. That’s why they are called dreams. Some people are just gullible enough to build their aspirations on their dreams and then watch them all tumble down. It’s happened every single time.

Naivety...(be there such a word?)

2005-02-01T17:45:00.000-08:00

If only i didn't trust so easy...

Things would be much better than this.

Right now -- all shit has hit the ceiling,

And it just sucks!

2005-02-01T15:05:00.000-08:00

You know, at the end of the day its just YOU for YOURSELF!

NOBODY else matters or neither will YOU matter to THEM!

We live in such a self-centered world!

Shoot me for caring!

Confused!

2005-01-31T14:33:00.000-08:00

I've been tricked into living...

I'm running around like some definition of insanity...

At the end of the day...all my work is in vain...at least it feels like it!

And...then...I'm back to square one!

I'm telling u - life ain't serious, not the way we think it is...

Life's twisted! DAMMIT! I'm such a fool!

Happy? Sad? Angry? Revengeful?

2005-01-11T08:16:00.000-08:00

What is it about human emotion that is so fickle? One moment it's utter bliss and the next it's mountainous layers of rage heaped one on top of the other.

Yesterday, I could have torn a select group of people from limb to limb unmercilessly and watched them writhe in pain while they died a wonderfully satisfying death -- but today, it's a whole new feeling.

I loathe hope!

It brings with it such expectation and dreams built on fluffly white clouds lined generously with linings of several hues of silver, though all existing in an ever-so fragile bubble only to burst shortly afterwards and lo and behold its the emotion of despair and disappointment. It's a horribly depressing feeling.

Oh! If only I could master these emotions!

"One sheds one's sicknesses in books -- repeats and presents again one's emotions, to be master of them."
- D.H. Lawrence

"The actor becomes an emotional athlete. The process is painful -- my personal life suffers."
- Al Pacino

"There are strings in the human heart that had better not be vibrated."
- Charles Dickens

ARGH!

2005-01-07T04:50:00.000-08:00

Ok! I'm in a bad mood...keep taking it out on everyone around me...

NOT GOOD!

Tidal Wave...

2004-12-28T10:05:00.000-08:00

So we set off on a fine Sunday morning towards Hikkaduwa because the kids wanted to see the coral reef and have a go on the glass bottom boats...

I being sick and all that was not in the mood to go...but did I have a choice with the kids? NO!

Little did I know what lay ahead...

Just past Kalutara and almost close to Beruwala one peculiarity we noticed was that the sea level was really high...but then...none of us thought too much about it...

And just then all I remember was a HUGE wave that just came onto shore and water everywhere and then...nothing...I was speechless...frozen...freaked...

At that moment...I knew it...i was dead.

I saw bodies go floating by, vehicles, houses, trees and even boats...

All we could do was pray, and pray we did incessantly...

The water kept on rising, it started to fill up the van as well...by then the water was at least 4 and a half feet high...

After half an hour -- that felt like a few million lifetimes...the water receded...

But all over death, destruction, crying children, people...

It was horrible.

By the grace of Almighty Allah we were saved.

OH GOSH! Never thought I'd live to see another day...

The dragon lady from hell

2004-12-21T07:55:00.000-08:00

She doesn't know me...she thinks she does...but she has it all wrong...

If she only stopped to understand me and accept me for who I am...things would be different!

But NO! I have become a figment of her imagination...or at least I'm supposed to take after that imaginary person she has in her head...BUT THAT'S NOT ME! Why on earth can't she understand that? HUH?

I'm trapped! I'm worse off than any criminal who's been sentenced for life at the worst prison ever!...

Trapped by all her rules and regulations and her NO's seem to close in on me wherever I go, whatever I do!

This has got to stop!

HELP! Please...

BAD! BAD! BAD!

2004-12-13T07:46:00.000-08:00

Me messed up BIIIIIIIIIIIG TIME!

SHIT SCENE!

Of saris and things...

2004-12-10T23:36:00.000-08:00

I started off today in such a bad mood assuming the rest of the gang hadn't turned up and boy was I pissed...it turned out they were taking refuge upstairs :)
Anyways Aru's plan to ditch the rest and go for a SALE - was stopped by me (which i regretted later) and from then on it was BUSY! BUSY! BUSY!
After much discussion a part of the gang finally went for the sale and gaped and gawked at all the pweety earrings and kurta tops (much favoured by the gang) and THEN reality bites!
"Girls! You are broke!" (Yuck! I hate hearing that)
Suddenly we realize we are late coz me and Aru have to get home, get our saris and go to get dressed (since we cannot simply wrap ourselves in the 6 yards or metres or whatever the standard length is of a bloody sari) and rushed home...
We were going for a convocation (NOTE: not ours)
After that things were a whirlwind...
NOW COMES THE BEST PART!
When we go to the sari-dresser-person Aru realizes she in fact had NOT brought her sari blouse (SweetIdiot rolls around with much wicked laughter at the recollection)
And guess what? Aru substituted SweetIdiot's Lee tee for her sari blouse - temporarily that is - until she got home.
The best part was watching Aru trying her best to camouflage the fact that she had donned a tee shirt and a HUGE one at that! And the end result being Aru looking like 'lickle' SweetIdiot's mommy!
[Snicker!]
[Wicked grin!]

Aru - told ya I'd blog about this!

On Christmas...

2004-12-06T07:29:00.000-08:00

Well...I was having a little chat with my 'Saturday' babies about Christmas and here are a few thoughts I'm sure I wasn't aware of...

Miss Five very confidently informed me that there was in fact no Santa...it was always someone else who dressed up like Santa. "He doesn't exist," she informed me...and she wasn't upset or anything.

Master Six too agreed with her and went on further to say that we usually had to buy our own Christmas gifts and give them to Santa (who wasn't really Santa - but someone dressed up like him) and he would deliver it to us on Christmas day.

Miss Six however being staunch believer in fairies and magic, did believe in a Santa Claus and vehemently denied her peers views on Santa and his existence...and she took pity on me and said that 'Santa is just like Jesus...he is around somewhere and he always knows what you want!'

AWWWWWW!!!! Ain't that CUTE?

2004 tis the year of ze BLOG

2004-12-02T09:02:00.000-08:00

2004: Nope! It ain't that year of the pig, the monkey or even the year of the BIG BAD MONSTER - It is the year of the BLOG!

So let the blogging continue :)

Note: seem to be in a bit of a weird-ass-hyper mood

Horrible beginnings - believe me you dont wanna know!

2004-11-29T08:24:00.000-08:00

a bad start to a bad week...
just what i need on a stupid monday morning...
number one i just cannot work with incompetent people who screw up my show...and that is precisely what happened today...plus the bloody hierarchy breathing down my neck who insist that each and every story has to be read out to scores of them...tell me! how on earth am i supposed to that...singlehandedly?
do they understand? NO! it seems to be beyond their comprehension that i am in fact HUMAN!
want to just crawl up in a corner and cry....think i sound a bit pathetic now...damn SHIT! hate feeling like this...
all my defenses are down! feel yucky! shitty! beginning to doubt my capabilities!
i need OUT!

he he he! (wicked grin)

2004-11-19T08:06:00.000-08:00

[grin]

[smirk]

[wicked+naughty grin]

HA HA HA!

go figure!

SO much for caring!

2004-11-17T16:01:00.000-08:00

Ever looked out for people? Cared about what would happen to them? EVER ASKED SOMEONE TO STOP SOMETHING BECAUSE IT WOULD HARM THEM AND THEN HAVE THEM GET PISSED OFF WITH YOU FOR THAT?

This is bloody absurd…I’m SO pissed! I mean, I want to literally scream! ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean I don’t get it…why the hell can’t you give up the one thing someone asks for? What’s the problem? So many bloody excuses… I have cravings…I need it…I need time…I can’t just do it out of the blue…blah, blah, blah

I mean, if you ever set your mind to it…I’m sure there would be no problem at all…it’s just a matter of willpower. That’s all! But no! When it comes to this fucking thing…all the bloody defences drop and he is putty in its hands!

Whatever happened to I will do whatever I can to make you happy?

Plus…its not like I ask for zillions of things every fucking day! I don’t! I’m probably the last person who does so…and I ask for ONE thing…just ONE…and even that can’t be done…

Unbelievable!

On Sperm Competition...

2004-11-10T13:34:00.000-08:00

OK! get this people...there now exists a "biologial sperm chastity belt"...

apparently this is nature's way of fighting back in response to the promiscuity of females... (ya right) well WE all know who is guilty of that :)

BOO BOO!

and this article im reading this morning gets even more interesting as it goes:

"Humans were midway between, suggesting that while women are nothing like as promiscuous as chimps, neither are they as faithful as gorillas."

OK!...i protest!...think im gonna go sue the bloody news agency that published this...

i mean...how dare they liken us gorgeous creatures to chimps and gorillas...im sure it was one of the opposite sex that wrote the article...knowing very well that he is fact an APE!

HMPH!

2004-11-08T10:50:00.000-08:00

alright! starting to feel trapped again!...this is infuriating, upsetting, totally
unsettling, i just wish i didnt have to live under such constraints!i mean, i am at the ripe old age of 21 where i do have my rights! ive protested with this phrase many a time to have it just thrown back in my face by a certain maternal authority i detest at the moment.

i wish i could get out of this whole situation...i mean when you've had to live with this
whole bloody thing throughout my whole life...there comes a point when u cant just take
anymore shit! and i just know that ive come to that point where i just will not waste
anymore of my strength...but something in me will not give in either...its a do-or-die
situation!

and then...i discover that i've been shown the key to this barred door...its amazing how
things happen...but its just that im one of those who have not been gifted with that oh so virtuous gift of patience!...

so its a sorry state of affairs back at home base when all hell breaks loose...in a trying times...its a case of bitten lips and clenched knuckles till they turn absolutely white...because it takes everything i've got to hold back without lashing out ....it hurts to think that someone who's known you all their life doesnt actually know you at all... cannot even comprehend your simplest moves or emotions, let alone likes and dislikes...how is that even possible???? (a thought that very very frequently runs through my head)and the worst part is that i know how bad it can get...i know how it will be...

but still every time i get shit from HER...it upsets me to great degrees...and that bugs me to death!i just wish i could close my eyes and wish her away...because at this very moment in
time...it is she that stands in the way of my happines...the rest of my life...and i have decided!...i have decided that i will NOT let her rule my life anymore...she has had her fair share...she has ruled my life all these 21 years...and this time...its a HUGE decision im making...and im extremely googleplex positive that this is what i want for the rest of my life...i want him to share the rest of my life with me...and i am not going to let her get in the way of that!

THAT'S FINAL!

anyways........lets talk about something more intriguing and much more interesting....its a funny though awesomely satisfying feeling... :)

i belong to someone wonderful...he makes me HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY...i have found my kindred spirit and he loves me as much as i love him [actually i think i love him more than he loves me ;) ]

but it feels official now after the last weeks happenings...and now all i can think of when
i see myself or him is: {ooh! ooh! ooh! im gonna be married} im thrilled to bits that ive found my soul mate, my ideal match...call it whatever you may...he is MINE and i intend to keep him for the rest of my life!

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..................... (an awesomely satisfied sigh...packed with happiness and love and mirth and heaps of things that i cant even begin to describe because words would not even begin to do justice to them)

THAT'S IT!

2004-11-03T09:42:00.000-08:00

alright! thats it! im sick and tired having to deal with incompetent people and am so bloody sick of having to shoulder the entire responsibilty of this whole bloody thing i have to day every bloody stupid morning...
its absurd...i have to slave like a bloody dog everyday in the morning...not a bloody soul is of any help...the little help i get just goes and mucks everything up in style...and then what really gets me pissed off is when bloody idiots come and use my computer...i mean MY computer and mess up all the stuff i have on it and refuse to even get up coz they are already in the middle of checking something out...do i care? NO!
its not like MY computer is only bloody computer in this office...!
JEEZ!
and added to that...the gods are against me...the bloody net is trying to outdo the slowest snail in the world...as a resuls i have a stationery state on a webpage i am trying to refresh coz my superiors tell me that it is crucial that i carry the latest in the US presidential elections...
who the bloody hell cares who gets elected over there...whoever it is...its a bloody loser...and whatever they have planned our country is still highly screwed!
URGH!

finally...

2004-10-23T23:12:00.000-07:00

hmmmmmmmmmm..........finally...i got to go out for coffee with my cuddlywuddly...
im THRILLED!
wish there were more times like this...

Its been donkey's years aint it

2004-10-22T13:22:00.000-07:00

its been so long since i've blogged...and hmmmmmmmmm.........its been an interesting period...
but the horrid part is kitty the creature seems to have left me...that aint so good...it is rather upsetting as well... :( i miss my kitty da creature
the rest has been good...the play was awesome...and all that time i got to spend with my cuddlywuddly...YUMMY! :)
BUT these past few weeks have been a learning experience and i must it has been rather fascinating.
PLUS i can honestly vouch for this. prepare yourself...
I HAVE GROWN UP!
Its awesome when you think about it. i know for a fact that i've definitely outgrown my mother and living with her...i know for a fact that i can actually support myself... (to some extent atleast)
its rather exciting to think that im actually considering things ive been totally freaked out by...
its a new semester for me...
its a new level at work for me...
and most awesomely...its a whole new experience for me...
cuddlywuddly just seems to make things so happy for me...its simply amazing!
but i reckon that ive still got loads more to grow up...incidents that have taken place in the very recent past indicate towards that inclination!
anyways thats it for now...pretty busy with academic work (yucky i sound nerdy now) will blog more later!
TA!

i HATE her!

2004-10-21T15:54:00.000-07:00

I loathe ex-girlfriends. I hate the way they make me feel. They throw me off balance. I wish I had a genie and just one solitary wish, that would do…I would make sure that she does not exist anymore…not ever! I despise her!

Why does she still have to be around? Why does she have to exist? Why can’t she turn into something so insignificant that she would appear to be almost invisible?
But NO! She is as large as life can get and smack right there in my face!

Damn her!

me and my personality!

2004-09-18T05:19:00.000-07:00

or at least...this is what some test that dearest darling cuddlywuddly did and i so did i follow suit and here are the results:

Brain Lateralization Test Results

Right Brain (64%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain.
Left Brain (30%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain

Are You Right or Left Brained?(word test)
personality tests by similarminds.com

extremely infuriating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2004-09-13T19:30:00.000-07:00

creature to blog: ok...i demand an explanation...and i mean a really good explanation!

blog to creature: er...watcha talking about? [smirks]

creature to blog: ADO..mey! [grins! recalling a very cute individual from whom she picked this up from]...i DID blog on this stupid thing on sunday...but lo and behold oh great blog [awesome sarcastic remark aint it?] it is not there

blog to creature: oh puleeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzz...! that aint my problem... [snort. snort. snort] im sure u didnt publish the damn thing properly

creature to blog: HMPF!... this is annoying...

final conclusion: creature thinks there is a
huge possibility that the BLOG is conspiring against little innocent her...she
will confide in the great big cuddlywuddly for guidance..until
then...toodloo!!!!!!!!

hypocrite = ME!

2004-09-09T08:33:00.000-07:00

im going to sound extremely critical now...but its the way i feel now
its dum to say that i cant bring myself to imagine things that did happen...i should be ok with it ... DUH! but to think of it like THAT! its difficult...its weird...its not the easiest thing in the world to handle
and it gets worse, cuddlywuddly seems so distant now...maybe its my over-active imagination playing mean tricks on me...but oh i dont know...sigh!

creature does not even know why creature feels like this...all numb and unfeeling...but still feeling weird...like i dont have a hold on myself...dont know if i can bring myself to look at my cuddlywuddly... [sense of guilt and shame washes over]

just SO wish i hadnt anything like that,...but then...its a no-way out situation...i cant undo it...just wish...oh forget it...im pathetic...a loser...wasted! horrid!

time of revelation

2004-09-08T21:50:00.000-07:00

every had one of those deep, dark secrets that were never meant for anyone's ears? i do...at least i did! its one of those secrets that one plans to never tell a soul...the take-it-to-the-grave sort of secret...but its been siphoned out of me...it feels like something has been wrought out of my soul...painful YES! but...yes there is a but

guess it feels better that cuddlywuddly knows...poor dearest cuddlywuddly probably didnt know what ground he was treading on when he did broach the subject quite innocently. but then...one revelation brings one more revelation...and each one tries to out-do the other...its like each revelation has the sole ambition to reign supreme

i as a cowardly rule do NOT deal with things i think i cant deal with. ive just learnt of things maybe i would rather have not known [coward! coward! coward!]

but then, i guess, sometimes its just easier to be in the dark than know all and deal with the entire thingbut this time its slightly different. its almost as if i want to deal with the entire brunt of it and i must say its quite fascinating. the fact that i havent even pursued the idea of running away from the entire situation in itself poses a number of questions in my very confused mind

however, it isnt as easy as it sounds!

[creature aint very good at dealing with things,

presently, its just way too much to digest,

BUT creature seems to be getting there.]

shitty aint it!

2004-09-06T15:54:00.000-07:00

had a chat with a friend who i thought had a misunderstanding with me...and it turns out she thought i was pissed with her...and in the midst of sorting things out...it backfired and it looks like she still aint talking to me...

NEXT!

a friend is getting engaged...she tells me only today...and very bluntly puts it like this... "im getting engaged, but im not inviting u...will try taking you for a treat sometime..."
woah!
she has been my friend for donkey's years and she doesnt want me to be a part of her engagement? sob sob! sniff sniff!...thought i was more important...so much for me thinking that i was everything to my friends...just because i think of them like that!...
pish posh! ya!...

da kitty! :0

2004-09-06T10:35:00.000-07:00

creature da kitty!
yep...its a kitty...he is so CUTE
and he is mine and cuddlywuddlys ...
aint that cute!

barbie doll?????

2004-09-04T21:31:00.000-07:00

ok....this is way too weird..but my kids. no no no, i dont have any kids...i mean the kids i teach...

well, anyways...they suddenly. out of the blue. in the middle of a very important lesson on the alphabet...promptly announce that 'aunty' looks JUST like a barbie doll!

u can imagine my shock and horror at being likened to that beastly doll! YUCKY!

tell me...! do i look anything like that dolll! [aghast] big boobs. non-existent waist. hips that could probably deliver two kids at the same time!...do i?

if i did...im telling u...i would be so hunched coz my boobs would be too heavy for me!

[grin]...that would infact look too funny...

[creature rolls around in uncontrollable laughter]

ok..this is too much... :) :) :)

my poor kids are only like half a decade old...so i didnt take out my wrath on them...

but if there is any other eejit who even remotely thinks that i resemble that ghastly doll...watch out buster! ur gonna be dead meat!

it gets even worse :(

2004-09-03T15:29:00.000-07:00

im hurt! utterly and truly hurt! everyone who i thought was my friend...they dont seem to be my friends anymore...

for one utterly stupid reason everyone seems to not approve of what im doing and stuff...its not their shit to decide! its mine! i never thought that they could be this horrid. i mean, ive never been like this with them

so i guess its true that at the end of the day all u have is urself...but im very close to my friends...but this lot! i never even thought this was possible

it hurts like hell...why? im not the loner type...i need my friends! and right now i feel very very small and alone...very very unhappy! i wish i could change thngs...but at least now i know what they can be like...

i hate this part about me. the part that hurts so easily, the shit part that depends on friends for everything and gives everything ive got and the one fine day ive woken up to a world where im the shit bucket! feel like one actually...

i dont feel sorry for myself...im just so disappointed with life sometimes...my ups and downs are like so frequent...things are always awesomely GOOD for me....or horridly horrible.

oh well! shit happens ya! but hate feeling this down! :(

misunderstood...totally!

2004-09-02T05:18:00.000-07:00

it hurts when the people you've know all your life never get u. it hurts even more when they think of you as the most horrible things you can imagine.

yesterday, mother dearest accused me of a million things i never thought she would even remotely attach to me. its upsetting, it hurts.

ive never been able to understand something. how come my mother knows me so well, but can never understand where im coming from? how is that humanely possible?

on a different note though:

my cuddlywuddly is too good to be true :) i think he is the only person who actually understands me...its either that...or he is so smitten by me...that he is utterly and hopelessly prejudiced... ;)

just a wee bit scary...

2004-08-31T22:42:00.000-07:00

today was good...BUT...yes there is but...

i as usual had to go screw things up...expressed my feeling about how i thuoght i was making things worse for cuddlywuddly at work...and he looked pissed! and i never ever wanted to make him angry...it was just a wee bit scary...the thought of him angry with me... :( but then it didnt last for long...but then...i dunno!...dont ever ever want him to be angry with me... (there i go repeating myself again)

im also very thrilled today...he loves me!...he said SO!...

woopeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2004-08-30T19:30:00.000-07:00

never did i think that i would blog...but here i am blogging away my days happenings...and all thanks to my cuddlywuddly! :)
im happy today...happy happy happy...things are going awesomely for me...finally have everything i need...at least it feels that way...im content! sigh! (a happy one)
its so so so bloody amazing the way cuddlywuddly just makes things so easy...i dont understand...and i will not strive to understand...
im just thankful me have my cuddlywuddly ... an NO! im not sharing!

Ouch ouch and ouch again!

2004-08-29T01:22:00.000-07:00

yes yes i know there is a first time for everything but really! today i couldve done without a very painful and i mean PAINFUL first time experience!But did i have a choice? no! thanks to yours truly who will begin to appear on the idiot box from tomorrow, and as per a makeup artist's instructions i headed to a salon to get my eyebrow's plucked!

i mean come on! my eyebrows are nice, i know they are...i see no need to do anything wit them. but then! NO CHOICE YA!i warned the woman at the salon that id never ever 'done' my eyebrows before! and then this gleam in her eyes appeared and i knew i was doomed.she had a piece of thread in her mouth and the other end in her hand twisted it and took her first swipe and did i not want to scream except for the fact that a million other people were around and i didnt want to create a sceneand many more swipes followed.

now is the time to take those tissues out coz i know u feel sorry for me coz u know, the mere thought of a few hairs on your eyebrows being simply pulled out unmercilessly is heartrending especially when i must confess that i did shed quite a few tears in painand its over now and do i see any difference now? NO! just a few hairs missing on my eyebrows! ok ok ok alright! maybe there is some shape to my eyebrows! but then!...

2004-08-28T11:37:00.000-07:00

hmmm...pretty good time at work actually :) All, and i do mean ALL my stories were GOOD ones...
i like my work and what i do!...
im happy happy happy!
everything is good now! keeping everything crossed though...dont want a single thing to change in my life, unless it is for the better! this im totally serious about.
it's amazing isnt it the way people complain about how this is not right and that is not right! hell i do too...but you know, it aint that bad
trust me on that! you will always always find the silver lining in your gloomy, yucky cloud.
im a BIG believer in this, because i just know!
ok (turning all shades of purple now!)
gotta go read the news of the hour! :)

just for u :)

2004-08-28T10:39:00.000-07:00

Roses are blue, the violets are blue too
but when i'm with u
I never feel blue!

:) :) :)

Knock knock

2004-08-20T01:45:00.000-07:00

Blogger blogger....testing 1-2-3....work you moron, work!